I want to preface this post by saying hello to readers who have been following my blog for years. I am sorry it has been so long since I’ve written, and that is a change in plan to make. It’s not as though I can rum out of material to share with three joyful and hilarious children running around! I felt compelled, however, to share these particular thoughts that have been rattling around in my head. And, so, hello again and I hope to see you soon.
It felt surreal. That first moment when I read my email from the school announcing that they would be closed for five weeks, I truly couldn’t wrap my mind around such a thing. The first day that I got the kids up, packed lunches and my laptop and dragged them to work with me it became more real. After only two days I began to wonder how I would survive five long weeks of my children whining while I tried to get work done. That’s how I thought of them- like some kind of burden. I have always loved my children but that was the place I was in then. I became stressed, overwhelmed, especially when Chris acted out.
After only a couple of days it became apparent that we needed to stay home. The government was about to shut down all non-essential businesses soon anyway. I cried as I tried to pick out enough thread and fabric to keep me busy for- how long? No one knew. I said goodbye to my grandma, who we are renting the studio space from. I brought home my machines and some customer projects, all the while the thought of keeping up work overwhelming me beyond belief.
Each day my anxiety built, coming to a peak when Dave was laid off for the foreseeable future. I was angry. We just sold our house, we were finally catching up on finances, how would this affect us? Would it ruin everything we have worked so hard to build? The kids were hyper and it was so difficult trying to work from home and get in all of their school work. I was so tired and depressed.
I cant say it happened overnight. It wasn’t like a switch was flipped, but gradually I began to adapt and feel better. I realized I didnt have to set an alarm and keep the kids on a regular schedule. We could get more sleep. We could do a little bit of schoolwork but also play games, do arts and crafts, and go outside. I cut up fabric and taught the kids how to make a tote bag. I began encouraging them to explore the expanse of our yard as much as they could, to get dirty and wet, to use their imaginations. I asked them what they wanted to learn. We talked about World War II and I watched them listen, truly listen. We started having game nights, and taking long walks together as a family.
This time is making me realize so many things about my life. My priorities, the people I love, and what makes me happy are all evolving. I am well-rested. It’s amazing how good it feels to slow down, to listen to one another, to enjoy each other. I have taken the time to really appreciate my husband and all that he does. I am less anxious and more engaged in the moment.
So, while many of you are waiting for the world go go back to normal, I am here safe and content in my loving little cocoon of surrealism. I do want our home sale to be able to move forward, and to have a steady income, but other than that I am feeling so centered right now.
I have taken the time to think deeply about my spiritual path and about changes that I want to carry through in my life when this pandemic is over. I know that we do have to go back to normal, but I also realize that I really need to make a new normal for myself and my family.
I dont want people to keep getting sick, or for the death toll to continue to rise. This illness that is ravaging the world is nothing short of tragic, and I dont wish to undermine the negative effect it is having to anyone. I just wish to point out that slowing down our lives, being with our families, and taking into consideration what is truly important is something good that can come of this. Take the time, during this time, to love, to laugh, to grieve and cry, to meditate and reflect. And then when we can leave our homes again, try to take some of that with you. ❤