A month or so ago my aunt asked me to go through my maternity clothes and give her all the hand-me-downs she had passed to me so that another friend could use them. As I opened the box and pulled out the first shirt I was hit hard with a sudden longing. I held the shirt up and remembered how my round belly looked underneath it. I remembered how y skin glowed and how it felt when my baby moved inside of me.
I began to long for those feelings again. I loved being pregnant. I loved the belly and the maternity clothes. I loved reading about all the things that were happening inside my body each week. I loved when the baby moved and kicked. I loved the guilt free ice cream and the back rubs that my fiance gave to me. Most of all, I loved daydreaming about what my baby would look like, sound like, smell like. I loved reading through baby names and washing all the little clothes and blankets in Dreft.
I have also thoroughly enjoyed each and every stage of my daughter’s life so far. I love her being a toddler. It secretly cracks me up when she gets into things or is mischievous in any way. I enjoy chasing after her and playing with her toys. I rejoice each time that she says a new word or does something new.
Lately, though I have been thinking about the things I miss. I miss her little lamb like noises. I miss feeding her bottles and watching her sleep so peacefully. I miss first smiles and first laughs. First time rolling over, first time sitting up, holding up her head…so many things went by so quickly and now I want to do it all over again.
I am getting all nostalgic here with my baby fever. The time just isn’t right. Dave and I will be married next month, but in another three months he will leave for boot camp and training. I don’t want to go through pregnancy alone. Plus, our financial situation needs to improve before we can think about another one. We need a better car and a bigger place to live. I need my blood pressure and weight to be more healthy. It’s not time. We have too many goals that need to be reached first.
When all those goals have been met, you can bet that I will be ready and waiting to bring another beautiful life into this world.