Balance

 

I know that I have posted before about feeling a bit overwhelmed when it comes to juggling motherhood, housewife, and full-time student. I had to share a moment that Leah and I had the other day that just broke my heart. I had woken up and spent the morning on my usual chores: making beds, starting laundry, cleaning up the kitchen, etc. I showered, got dressed and hit the books for a while. When I had enough of studying, I sat down on the floor where Leah was playing Barbies and I picked one up and started combing its hair (it was the Rapunzel Barbie doll, just in case anyone wants to know). Leah looked up at me in disbelief and exclaimed, “Mommy! I can’t believe you’re actually playing with me!”

 

Now, I spend a lot of time with my daughter. I teach her to write, I help her color and do puzzles, I read to her, we snuggle up and watch tv, and I take her on playdates. But when I reflected on the last few weeks I realized that I really hadn’t actually sat down with her and played toys. I felt like the worst mommy ever.

 

This semester is tough. Not only am I taking more credit hours, but the classes have increased in both difficulty and amount of work. I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed and stretched thin. When I get stressed I have a habit of making lists to the point of obsession, and let’s just say that lately there have been a lot of lists. I didn’t realize that I have been doing some of my duties half-heartedly, and most of all that one of them was my mommy duty to play with my daughter.

 

I tend to write happy endings, even in the blogging world. A creative writing teacher I once had told me that not everything I write has to have a conclusion. This post has no conclusion. I am still stressed, I am still overwhelmed and unsure of how to find a balance. I do know that I will start with making time to sit down and play each day. At least half an hour. What’s the point of being a stay at home mom if you are going to half-ass it, right?

Have you ever felt like you aren’t giving your kids enough attention when you’ve been busy? How did you handle it? I want to see some comments and know that I am not alone!