Sacrifices

The other day I had coffee with an old friend that I haven’t seen since Leah was a baby. When I told her that I am a stay-at-home mom(other than school) she remarked at what a sacrifice I am making.

“Oh, no,” I told her, “I absolutely love being home with Leah. I would think it would be a huge sacrifice to leave her and go to work.”

That is the honest truth. Sure, we don’t have a ton of money and we have had to go without some things, such as new cars, a bigger home, or fancy vacations, but that is more than made up for by me being able to raise my daughter the way I want to. And to have been there for all of the important milestones in my baby’s life, like her first steps, has been far more meaningful to me than any material item could ever be.

I know it’s not for every woman, and some don’t feel “fulfilled” by being a homemaker, but I have to say that this has been my dream job. I am having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that it is very likely to come to an end in May.

You see, we can go without extras and luxuries, but we can’t go without food or a roof over our heads. As much as I love being with my daughter, I can now see that when we bought our home we got in way over our heads and we are facing a very grim financial situation. We can hold out long enough for me to finish school, but unless by some miracle my husband is able to find an awesome job that pays amazingly well I am going to have to enter the workforce.

It depresses me to not know what is coming down the pike for the next year. With Dave job hunting and me finishing up school and not really knowing what’s out there in the job market, we really don’t have a plan. It scares me, and saddens me to think that everything will change, and not in a way I want it to. I am also not the happiest with the choice of major I made when going back to school. I have said from the first semester that I don’t see myself loving this career, but I needed to finish, and now I will need to enter it.

One thing is for sure; a year of many changes is ahead. Whether they are good, bad, scary, or overwhelming, at least I have my family, my beautiful daughter, and a heart full of memories of all the days we spent together.

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