I remember a line from Gilmore Girls where Lauren Graham’s character, Lorelai, says, “You know the one thing that grown-ups don’t call themselves? Grown-ups. They say “adults”, and they pronounce it “ah-dults.”
Sometimes I feel like I am somewhere in between. You know, the phase where you think you’re a grown-up, but you still don’t call yourself an ah-dult.
I try to be an excellent mother, but you folks all know that I have no idea what I am doing there. It could take years of therapy for Leah to undo the damage I am causing. We won’t know for sure until she is eighteen… Just kidding! I am sure that Leah will be fine, because she is turning out to be such an awesome kid. However, I don’t find that I relate to many other moms. I hear the other moms conversing while Leah is in dance class, and I just can’t relate. They all work and/or go to the gym. Two things that I am hell-bent against, haha! But they talk about taking trips and doing adulty things that I just don’t do, or have any interest in doing. Even if I could afford a trip, I wouldn’t know the first thing about planning one. For real.
Second of all, I still have a constant need for my parents approval. Some people wear those WWJD bracelets, you know “What Would Jesus Do”. Well, I need I a WWMDT bracelet; “What Would Mom and Dad Think”. It’s worse because I actually have four parents and I really and truly care what each of them thinks about any decision I make. It drives Dave nuts sometimes, when I stress over something or worry that one or all of them is upset with me over something.
“Who cares?” He will say. “You’re an adult”
But I’m not, you see. I am a grown-up. One who wants her Dad to be proud of her and calls her Mommy when she’s had a bad day. And asks her Step-dad for advice, and tells her Step-mom about all her school friends. It sounds endearing, and I guess it is to a point. I love that I have a great relationship with my parents- all four of them. But at the same time, at some point I need to let go and start doing things that make me happy and making decisions that are right for me and my family, even if one of the Fab Four don’t agree with what I am doing. I need to be okay with that.
There are so many things that make me feel like I am still caught somewhere between teen and woman, such as my inability to like cooking, my always having to be right when I argue with Dave and the stupid things I sometimes do (like drinking three bottles of wine and laying on the floor playing with a cat toy with my cousin. Yes, this really happened. Recently.)
I guess that is a facet of starting young? I don’t know. I feel like I need to make some changes and grow up. Some things can stay, and I do believe it’s great to be young at heart. But on the other hand, I will be twenty-one years (okay, okay twenty-four years) old in a couple of weeks. I think it’s time to be an ah-dult.