Strict Mommy

Lately I have been feeling like I am very strict with Leah. She has been giving so much attitude and pushing the envelope. I don’t know where it is coming from, but I haven’t given her an inch to work with. At bedtime, if she gives us a hard time she gets tucked in with no snuggles. At dinner if she doesn’t eat, it gets reheated for her night time snack. I limit her television time, even though she often fights me on it. She must clean up her own toys, or they get taken away until she earns them back.

None of that sounds too horrible, I hope. It just feels like lately I have been repeating these things to her in my stern mommy voice over and over again. It adds to my guilt and frustration about being in school so much. I feel like I don’t see her as much and when I do I am either doing homework or having to punish or “yell” at her (I don’t really yell, but use the stern voice and let her know I don’t put up with that stuff.)

Small infractions aside, she has taken on a bit of a mean attitude towards her uncle lately, my twelve year old little brother who absolutely adores and spoils her. She is with his mom one day a week while I am in class, but when he gets off the bus she is very mean and stand-offish, telling him to sit away from her or she doesn’t want to see him. I think it is an attention thing, having to do with her not wanting to give up the one on one time with Grandma. But still, it’s not okay. We had a long discussion on the way home last week and I let her know in no uncertain terms that I do not tolerate her treating anyone that way, but especially someone who loves her so much. She did call him and apologized, but I still feel like she doesn’t truly understand.

At three years old, I hardly thought I would be asking my daughter to do something simple, like pick up a toy to be met with a loud sigh and “Fine!” I don’t know what I am going to do with this girl. I am really hoping she just feels like she needs some attention. That would be an easy fix. I am feeling so stretched thin between school and mommyhood lately, but maybe if I make an effort to make more time for one on one I will get my sweet little girl back.

Moms who work or have other obligations, how do you do it? Do your kids act out like this, and if so how do you deal with it?

Parenting Tip #2

Always blame the waitress. Yes, that’s it.

It also works for salesmen, doctors, nurses, or basically anyone else.

We’ve all been there as parents. You’re in a public place with your child and they are not cooperating in some way. Well, my advice is to use some random stranger as the bad guy to get your kid to obey. The person you use won’t be the wiser.

Here is an example. We were at Friendly’s for lunch and Leah would not eat her meal. I told her that the waitress would not bring her ice-cream unless she ate so many bites of macaroni and so many bites of applesauce. I then made her macaroni talk and say things like “Quick, hide us in your mouth before the waitress sees us!” She ate more than I ever expected her to eat, and then was too full to eat much of the ice-cream!

Another example: My mom and I were shopping at a furniture store for Leah’s big girl bed. She was having fun climbing and playing on a lofted bed, but not having found anything, my mom and I were ready to move on to another store. Leah did not want to go, so my mom pointed out a salesman and told Leah “That mean guy won’t let us keep playing on the bed if we’re not going to buy one so we have to go to another fun store and try out more beds!”

I have also blamed doctors for giving her medicine, nurses for giving her shots, and finally, retail workers who might kick us out of the store and yell at us if she doesn’t hold my hand. It may sound horrible to some of you, but it works. Leah will most likely  never see any of these people again and I get to enjoy her company and get her to obey me without having an argument.

One last thing, never, ever use the other parent with this strategy (or anyone your child knows and loves). It is mean and undermines that person’s authority with the child.

Ode to Grocery Shopping

You’ve had it happen to you. Someone cuts you off right at the front door going into the store and you just know that you are going to run into them again. That same person manages to piss you off, get in your way, nearly run you over, and grab something as you are going for it. All in one trip to the market.

The question really is, what do you do about it? Are you the type of person that just shrugs it off? Do you ignore them, or silently stew as your headache grows larger and larger?

Let me tell you what I do in this situation. I say something. Not directly to the person, but to myself. Take today for instance. Someone came right at me with her cart so that I had to jump out of her way to be narrowly missed. She did not even make eye contact, let alone say “excuse me” or “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there.” Nope, she just kept right on going.

In my best outdoor voice I exclaimed, “Wow, people are really rude today!” I was toning it down a notch for the sake of Dave, who was with me. I really wanted to say, “Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize that you are so much more important than me!” As it is, he looked like he wanted to melt into a puddle on the floor, or at least pretend he didn’t know me.

What do my loud, embarrassing exclamations accomplish, you may ask? Nothing, really. But it does make me feel a whole lot better about the situation.

The point, to me, is that I am not being a doormat. Why should I allow myself to get frustrated to the brink of insanity over other people’s lack of manners? I am going to let them know that they pissed me off and that they are rude. It may not make them apologize or even acknowledge me, but maybe they will think twice before doing it to someone else. Or maybe not.